That Dark Side of Personal Development

There is a liar, a cheat, a wuss, a phony, a fiend, a foe, a thief, a crook in all of us. I have committed some of these crimes at one time or another – however small and insignificant, from telling white lies or bluffing to a challenge, or bigger that hurt the ones I care and love. And so have many other people, yet we all pretend otherwise to only continue to deceive ourselves.

In our weakest moments is when those character flaws surface and consequences reflect those sides of us. Although people strive for personal development to strengthen their character traits, no one is perfect and everyone else knows it. To err is to be human. If we were perfect, we would be omnipotent, but we are not, so we are imperfect.

I am a personal development geek and I have been on a mission to self develop and grow. There are numerous personal and life coaches, as there are thousands of personal-development and self-help websites, blogs, forums, books, resources. I look to leaders, dead or alive, to learn more about life and about the living. From Tony Robbins to Ken Blanchard, from Buckminster Fuller to Jesus to Buddha, even from our friends and family, the message of how to be better and live better are all around us – if we really listen.

Surely everyone has character traits they need to improve: more patience, more gratitude, more kindness, more stewardship, more forgiveness, less pride, less lust, etc. and we spend our entire lives striving to develop strong character traits because our character is our destiny.

But that’s just it. No matter how much we strive to improve to be better and perfect, we can never eradicate the character flaws, they always exist. We are human.

Therefore, I think that if you’re serious about personal development and you’re focused on whatever it is that you want to improve, that’s just half of personal development.

The other half of personal development is bringing light to your character flaws, by keeping those character flaws on high alert. We allow our dark sides to surface because we believe that we are invincible and so we could allow the dark sides to surface.

People in power, such as high level politicians and corporate executives, get to the top because they are charismatic, charming, good listeners, able to build consensus, make people feel good, and champions of their causes and personal beliefs. However, the late scandals involving politicians and executives, from Enron to Spitzer to Clinton, show that people still have flaws that could bring down their legacy no matter what great accomplishments they achieve through their character strengths. This is because they allow their dark sides because they thought they could.

We strive to be stronger and more honest in our business and personal lives because we know firsthand the pain that comes from being a crook, liar, fool, & a thief. So when people point out the liar, the cheater, the fool, and the thief in you – take note because you may have been ignoring it and heed their warnings of that part of you that is surfacing. The crooks, liars, fools & thieves you work or live with show the crook, liar, fool & thief in you. We all have those traits in us so that we could recognize it in others, just as we have kindness, compassion, strength, courage in us so that we could appreciate it in others.

The question is: which side is stronger? Life is not about eliminating the flaws completely, but keeping a healthy balance of both sides.

The important part of personal development that most personal development gurus don’t talk about is not just developing strong character traits but also keeping character flaws under control. Keep the liars, the cheaters, the thief, the weak, and the prideful in you in check. You could never trust yourself completely; and you shouldn’t because you’re not perfect. But that doesn’t mean you can’t be great either – just keep your flaws on high alert.